Most people review a fast-food meal in a star rating. The serious reader files a 10-K. Paste in your order, scan the receipt — get back a parody annual report with revenue, COGS, risk factors, MD&A, and a shareable cover sheet. The spotlight tool of seven, made for people who already think of their drive-thru habit as a portfolio.
The Zach Challenge, as a checklist.
Pick a chain and a city. The app shows every location and lets you check them off with a timestamped visit and a photo. Personal completion percentage, leaderboard among friends. Newspaper-broadsheet aesthetic. Save visits in Fireproof.
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Compatibility scoring for the standing-order couple.
Two people enter their standing fast-food orders. The app rates compatibility — chain overlap, sauce agreement, price gap, calorie gap, breakfast and lunch alignment — and writes a one-paragraph relationship verdict. Save couple profiles in Fireproof. Output a shareable card.
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Archive cards for the clowns, kings, and colonels.
Pick a fast-food mascot — Ronald, the King, the Colonel, Jack, the Noid, Wendy. The app generates an archival lore card with era, status, controversies, key episodes, and a one-line elegy. Vault aesthetic, dark amber. Save your card collection in Fireproof.
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Log every kiosk, every drive-thru voice. Watch the ratio move.
Every visit, log whether you ordered from a kiosk, the app, the drive-thru speaker, or a cashier. The app tallies your automation ratio over time and projects when a human cashier will be a rare encounter. Terminal CRT aesthetic. Save log in Fireproof.
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A communal field guide to who actually owns the store.
Look up a fast-food location and surface what is known about the operator: independent franchisee, multi-unit, corporate-owned. Users annotate locations with notes — 'Black-owned, opened 1987.' Codex aesthetic, archival. Save annotations in Fireproof.
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Items that only exist in one country. Have you had it?
Browse a deck of fast-food items that exist only in specific countries — McAloo Tikki India, Teriyaki Burger Japan, McSpicy Paneer, Croque McDo France. Quiz mode guesses the country; passport mode tracks which you have tried. Poster aesthetic. Save passport in Fireproof.
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Fast food isn't a category to rate. It's a category to file against. Seven tools — each one treats your order, your habit, or your operator the way a serious reader of the business would. Clone any one of them and turn the joke into your own franchise.